“What’s your biggest weakness?” asked the interviewer many years ago.

I smiled and gave what I thought was a clever, polished answer. “Perfectionism,” I said, hoping to spin it as a strength. Look at my attention to detail, high standards….no weakness here, thank you very much!

But here’s the kicker: perfectionism was my biggest weakness. It was the silent thief of my confidence, productivity, and wellbeing. While I thought I was impressing others with my flawless work ethic, I was actually tripping myself up in ways I couldn’t see.

How Perfectionism Masquerades as Strength

In male-dominated industries and environments, perfectionism often feels like armour. When you’re one of the few women in the room, the pressure to prove yourself is intense. You want to be seen as credible, capable, and worthy. So, you work harder, you scrutinise every detail, and you never let anyone see you sweat.

But here’s the double bind: the very thing that feels like a solution in the short term is a long-term curse. Perfectionism isn’t about doing things well; it’s about avoiding the shame of being wrong, judged, or seen as less-than. And that avoidance creates unconscious weaknesses that erode relationships, performance, and wellbeing.

Let’s unpack those, shall we?

The Hidden Weaknesses of the Perfectionist Woman

1. Wasting Time on What Doesn’t Matter
   I’ve spent countless hours perfecting PowerPoint presentations, redesigning slide colours and fonts until they “felt right.” Guess what? No one cared. They wanted the data, the ideas, the strategy - not my design flair. This obsession with the look of things stole time and energy that could’ve been spent on bigger-picture thinking.
   

2. Not Asking for Help
   Perfectionists hate admitting they don’t know something. I avoided asking questions in meetings because I was afraid of looking clueless. Instead, I’d go back to my desk and spend hours figuring things out alone - sometimes completely missing the mark. The irony? If I’d just asked, I could’ve saved everyone a lot of time and hassle.
   

3. Procrastination Disguised as Preparation
   Ah, the endless drafts. The one-paragraph email I rewrote 10 times. The report I didn’t submit until the last second because “it wasn’t ready yet.” Perfectionism slows you down and keeps you from delivering. In a fast-paced environment, it can make you look indecisive or, worse, like you’re not pulling your weight.
   

4. Fear of Failure = Fear of Growth
   Perfectionism often means playing it safe. You don’t raise your hand in the meeting unless you’re 100% sure your idea is brilliant. You don’t volunteer for the stretch project because what if you screw it up? Over time, this fear of failing keeps you stuck in your comfort zone while others around you take risks and grow.
   

5. Damaged Relationships
   Perfectionism doesn’t stay at work. It seeps into how you relate to others. Maybe you’re hypercritical of a colleague’s work because it’s not “up to standard.” Or you hold your partner or kids to impossibly high expectations. The need for everything to be “just so” can make you a nightmare to collaborate or live with.
   

6. Burnout and Resentment
   Let’s not sugarcoat it: perfectionism is exhausting. Constantly striving for flawless performance takes a toll on your body and mind. Over time, it leads to burnout, resentment, and the creeping suspicion that all your hard work isn’t getting you where you want to be.
   

The Short-Term Fix vs Long-Term Harm

Here’s the thing: in male-dominated industries, perfectionism feels like a survival strategy. It’s how you stay “safe.” If you’re flawless, no one can criticise you. But this is a short-term solution.

In the long run, perfectionism keeps you:

• Invisible: Because you only speak up when you’re certain, your ideas stay hidden.

• Overwhelmed: Because you overwork and overthink, you’re constantly on edge.

• Underperforming: Because you spend too much time on small details, you miss the bigger picture.

And the worst part? You’re so busy proving your worth that you don’t enjoy the success you’ve worked so hard to achieve.

How to Break Free from the Perfectionism Trap

So, how do you stop perfectionism from running (and ruining) your life? Here are some steps I’ve used in my work with women:

1. Notice the Voice of Perfectionism
   Start paying attention to the inner dialogue driving your behaviour. That voice that says, “If this isn’t perfect, they’ll think I’m incompetent”? That’s not you. That’s a part of you - one that’s scared of rejection. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it run the show.
   

2. Regulate Your Nervous System
   Perfectionism thrives on a stressed-out nervous system. When your body is in fight-or-flight mode, the stakes feel higher than they are. Practising grounding techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or somatic exercises helps you stay calm and keep things in perspective.
   

3. Ask: What’s Good Enough?
   Not every task deserves 100% effort. For routine emails or reports, aim for “good enough.” Save your perfectionist energy for the high-stakes projects that really matter.
   

4. Practise Self-Compassion
   Perfectionism is rooted in fear and shame. Learning to be kind to yourself - especially when you make mistakes - is the antidote. When you treat yourself with compassion, you create space for growth and creativity.
   

5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
   Shift your focus from the end result to the journey. What did you learn? How did you grow? By celebrating progress, you’ll start to value the process over the product.
   

6. Work with the Body
   Somatic coaching can help you release perfectionist habits by connecting with your body’s wisdom. Noticing where perfectionism shows up physically (tight jaw, clenched fists, tense shoulders) and making slight changes to your physiology can help you unconsciously ‘un-remember’ those life-long patterns and make different choices in moments of challenge.

The Truth Bomb

Let me hit you with some real talk: perfectionism isn’t about being the best. It’s about avoiding the fear of not being enough. And here’s the twist—you are enough, flaws and all.

Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t easy, but it’s possible. It starts with recognising the ways it holds you back and choosing to show up as your messy, human self. Because at the end of the day, being real is far more impactful than being perfect.

So, here’s to progress over perfection—and to finally hitting send on that damn email.

What resonated most with you? Let’s talk if you want to do the work to release your inner perfectionist through 1:1 coaching - contact me HERE to book a call.

If you are in an organisation that would like to support women who struggle with this, contact me today to book in a call. Click HERE.